toilet dinners and cellulite

I ate dinner on the toilet two nights ago.

Well, I guess technically I ate dinner on a stool, NEXT to the toilet. While bathing Bob.

Heaven help us.

So I’ve been super vocal and public about the fact that I’m on Weight Watchers. I’m 4 months in, down several sizes and have  lost 25 pounds and counting. Yay, go team! I decided to incorporate “intermittent fasting” into the weight loss regime, because apparently I’m a sucker for pain. Why do I keep piling all the challenges on top of one another?! No one even knows, but here we are.

So basically, intermittent fasting just means you eat in a certain window each day, and  don’t eat outside your set time limit. So the night of the toilet/stool/bath time meal, I had to STOP eating that evening by 6:00 pm. And Bob goes to bed at 5:45, so I had to double up somewhere and I chose it to be bath time and dinner.

That’s ground turkey bolognese sauce, in case you were wondering. And yes, it was delicious. Gone are the days when I can sit down and enjoy a meal. If I do, chances are tiny hands are grabbing at my plate, and I’m shoveling in the food as fast as I’m swatting those fingers away.

“Mommmmmy!! Want spicy eggs!!”

“Mommmmy! Want pizza!”

“Mommy!!!! Want salad!!” (the child is so intent on never allowing me to eat my own food he will seriously eat raw spinach.)

They’re savage, y’all.

So eating on a stool, hunched over the toilet was actually kind of genius of me, believe it or not! At least I got to eat all of that scrumptious, portioned out dinner on my own (and all the moms are taking notes now)!

Let’s talk about Weight Watchers tonight. Because on social media I post these pictures:

They’re filtered just right to make me look so inspirational, and that’s cool too. I’m working my butt off to get pictures that look like that. I’m running 3-4 days a week and I’ve cut out ALL THE DELICIOUS THINGS.

Snickers bars? nope.

4 slices of pizza? Try eating zero point foods (like CELERY, gah!!!) all day in order to make the points for a slice and a half of that cheesy goodness.

Jack in the Box tacos? I think they’re the thing I miss the most. How are they simultaneously soggy and crunchy?! The world may never know.

Snacking wherever and whenever I want? Again with the intermittent fasting.

Grande-white-chocolate-mocha-with-almond-milk-no-whip from Starbucks? Oh, hey there coffee maker at Target that’s on clearance for $8.60. Homemade is my ride or die these days. (PSA: Check out the end of this post for what I’m substituting for healthier options to all of these former pitfalls.)

Get to the point Stephanie.

LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD.

No. Let me back up. Losing weight in a HEALTHY WAY is hard.

Eating disorder? Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I don’t have the energy for that crap anymore. My boys, my husband and I deserve better than that life.

What do I want my boys to see? A mom who sets goals and does the hard work to accomplish them. A mom who tries and fails sometimes, but a mom who always picks herself up, dusts herself off, and starts all over again (if you just sang that in your mind in Ginger Rogers and/or Fred Astaire’s voice, you are my people).

Do I fail? At least 3 times a week.

Yesterday I ate a GooGoo cluster that I bought from the checkout line in Tractor Supply. I was leaning over the sink and literally inhaled it. Like a drug.

Do I record the points for 3/4 cup of rice and proceed to eat 1.5 cups of rice? Yes, yes, a  thousand times yes.

Am I too dang hard on myself for those slip ups? Probably.

I’m going to show you the picture of the first night I signed up for Weight Watchers. I have the tiniest bit (read: major bit) of anxiety about putting this out there for all the people. But like I always say, I have nothing if not honesty, so here goes……

This was the first night I started Weight Watchers. Those are Chip’s pajama pants. I had literally outgrown every single pair of pants I owned.

Also? Look at my face. I edited this photo about 4 times to blur it out, but y’all NEED TO SEE IT. This was ME four months ago. This is the real deal, the authentic. This is the frustration and the angst and the no make-up. That’s right, we just went there.

I completely hated myself. I was sluggish and tired and cranky and I couldn’t keep up with those two incredible boys that I spent over 45 hours pushing out of my body. I was done, and I took that photo. And it’s been HARD and I still have 30 more pounds to lose and you better believe I’m keeping y’all on this journey with me. Because Satan works in the dark, and as long as I keep all the things bottled inside I will remain sad and small and narrow. I’m rebuking those lies one post at a time.

It’s taken every single ounce of self control and resolve that I have to stick with this whole circus. Some days I just really want to give up and eat what I want. Some days I don’t want to go run. Some days I want to drink ALL THE SUGAR at Starbucks and I want to have dinner at Golden Corral.

Come at me, bro.

I don’t have a nice little conclusion this week. I don’t have a pretty bow to tie this post together with, because I still have a long way to go. I can say that I stayed within my daily points today (for real) and that I ate between the hours of 12 and 8 and didn’t cheat once. High-five.

But tomorrow may be different……. and that’s okay too.

Cheers.

Oh!! P.S. Healthy alternatives to the deliciousness:

Snickers bars: Enlightened or Halo Top Ice Cream (can find these at Target and Kroger)

Pizza: Nothing. Nothing can rival a delicious pizza. That’s why I save ALL the points to indulge.

Jack in the Box tacos: I crave these DAILY. I literally made ground turkey taco meat in lettuce wraps tonight. ONE POINT. No joke. Brown ground turkey with taco seasoning, add bell pepper, garlic, purple onion, and then make a homemade pico de gallo (I used tomato, onion, cilantro, jalapeno, lime juice, salt and pepper) then put it all onto a romaine lettuce leaf. SO GOOD and you don’t have the guilt and shame that Jack in the Box gives you. (or is that just me??)

Snacking: Give intermittent fasting a try. It took me 3 days of fighting the urge tooth and nail to make it a habit and my body doesn’t crave food outside the window now. It’s for real. However, those first 3 days I went to bed at 8:30, because well. Temptation. So there’s that. #truth

Go-to Starbucks drinks: whether it’s a caramel macchiato (had to look up that spelling), pumpkin spice latte (mother, may I), or your favorite frappucino (THE ICY GOODNESS!!!!!), there is no denying that NOTHING WILL EVER BE AS WONDERFUL AS STARBUCKS. The sugar doesn’t lie. However, I have found that my homemade concoction is very delightful and it fills a need. Here it is: fill the cup with ice, fill 3/4 with black coffee, 1/4 UNSWEET vanilla almond milk, and add a packet and a half of stevia. Mix it up and voila!!! You’ve got joy in a cup.

Hope this helps y’all the way it’s helped me.

One love.